Invisible

Today, I was suppose to go to a wedding, but I didn’t. I stayed home and stayed in my room. When I did go downstairs I felt like I was invisible and that no one acknowledged my presence. I felt as if I was some ghost from the future watching on how it’ll be if I wasn’t there. I don’t know why I felt like that, but I did.

Well since I heard the news about my Uncle, I’ve been keeping to myself and trying to keep myself busy. My Uncle hasn’t came home yet. I did notice though how my grandmother went all out her way to make her son comfortable…even going to buy him a brand new bed-set from Rent-a-center, but she couldn’t even help me pay for my 42″ tv that had to go back? Bullshit.

I’m promising myself, the next time I move out, there will be no moving back this will be my last time . Today, I felt what it would feel like if I wasn’t here. I’m fine with that. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t in my own skin so I kind of knew what it felt like all along. I don’t know what let me put up with their bullshit. I don’t what made me keep coming back. Seeing that my siblings are getting better with their attitudes and they’re maturing up a little bit at a time. I have no reason to be here and they have no reason for me to be either.

I’m up in my room half of the time, mind as well say I’m not here. Mind as well be invisible. Mind as well leave, its like I already left. Half the time they think I’m gone so I mind as well be.

~ by kiqroqzgraphiqz on Saturday, Jul 19, 2008.